Dear Laura... My 6yo is a super fussy eater, what should I do?

Hey team - welcome to ‘Dear Laura’ - a monthly column where I fashion myself as an agony aunt and answer the questions that readers submit. If you’d like to submit a question for me to answer next month - then you can leave it as a comment below or submit it here.

I’m happy to answer Qs about anti-diet nutrition, developing a more peaceful relationship to food and weight-inclusive health, body image challenges, and, of course, challenges with feeding your kiddos. Please give as much detail as you’re comfortable with and let me know if you’d like me to include your name or keep it anon.

Here’s this month’s question:

Hi Laura. My soon-to-be 6 year old daughter is so fussy. Carrots are about the only vegetable she eats (raw) and she is becoming more and more ‘fussy’ in her taste i.e. used to like pasta with most sauces, now only wants pasta with butter. She has a very sweet tooth and that also worries me. I don’t want to restrict food and I want to be relaxed but I just don’t think she can be getting enough nutrients if (for example) she doesn’t eat her lunch but then wants an ice cream after. Of course as a one-off I don’t care if she eats sweet stuff for lunch but I can’t let her do it all the time. It’s stressing me out but I don’t want to put pressure on her and make things even worse in the long term… would love your advice. Thank you!

When a kid has a fairly limited diet, and then starts dropping previously preferred foods, it can be super stressful for parents. Feeding our kids, after all, is one of those really fundamental jobs required of parents to keep our kids, well, alive. When feeding and eating aren't going well, it touches on something so primal in us: survival. It makes a ton of sense to me if parents feel worried or panicked about their kids eating. And combined with the pressure to parent perfectly, and for our kids to eat in a certain way, it can also tap into ideals about ‘good’ parenting.

To be totally honest, it is very hard for me to answer this question without first having asked a whole bunch of other questions and really got a deep understanding of what mealtimes look like in your family, your child’s medical history, some details about pregnancy, birth, and early feeding experiences, a better look at what they are eating (as well as what they’re not), their development, sensory preferences, and lots more. My assessment usually runs 80 mins of in-person time, plus a dietary analysis, and reviewing a recording of a meal.

This is, I think, why I get so irate at the generic advice we see on Instagram - so often, there is no consideration of the child, and more interest in what’s going to get likes and shares. Without knowing your child, you, and your family a little better, what I’m going to say is inevitably limited and I’m going to ask more questions than I answer. But I hope I can give you some things to consider and at the very least, help you figure out if you need some more help and support.

First of all, I think we need to assess if there are any signs that this is more than just ‘fussy’ eating. There are lots of ‘red flags’ we can look out for, it’s important to keep in mind though, that a red flag in and of itself is just some data; a clue. It doesn’t mean we have to *do* anything about it. It’s a piece of the puzzle. The biggest thing I look out for is: